You've Left Me Again
by Montichelle
Summary: He had no idea who this Finn Hudson was. He was Cory Monteith. That was the only thing he was sure of.
1. Chapter 1

She's making lasagna when she gets the call.

She rushes to answer it and is out of breath when she finally reaches it.

She should really go to the gym.

She's too busy poking her stomach to hear what the caller says.

"I'm sorry what was that?" She asks.

"Are you Rachel Berry? Finn Hudson's fiancé?"

The voice is so cold, so impersonal, that it give her shivers.

"Yes, she is speaking."

"Finn Hudson has recently been named missing in action. He was patrolling a city when a bomb went off. His whole team of thirty people have died but his is the only body that is currently missing which is why he is not yet claimed dead."

_Yet. _

"What?" she gasps.

She's hyperventilating, and she can almost feel the caller roll his eyes.

"He's supposed to be coming home in less than week! Two days after Christmas! Why would he even be going out there?!" She cries.

"He volunteered."

"No! No! This can't be happening! Noah, Puck? Is that you? If that is this is a sick and cruel joke!" She yells into the phone.

She's started crying because even the thought of anything happening to him makes her want to die.

"I'm afraid this is isn't a joke ma'am."

He told her he would come back-he had _promised_ her that he would come back.

She spends long minute letting out ugly sobs before he interrupts her.

"Well if that's all,"

"No! No! Wait! Wait! You said that he was missing in action right?"

The caller sighs.

"Ms. Berry I wouldn't have any hope of it. His body was most likely blown to pieces in the explosion. In fact, the only reason they are still looking is for his remains."

His _remains_. He's not even a person anymore.

She screams and throws the phone to the ground, watching it shatter into pieces.

The screen goes black and the caller is cut off.

She goes on a rampage then, breaking everything in sight, letting out these humongous sobs.

She falls to the ground after an hour and then hugs herself, rocking back and forth.

She can't get through with this.

She won't get through with this.

She goes to the pantry pulling out the bottle of pills, ready to take each and every single one of them when Kurt comes home.

"Rachel! What the hell happened in here!"

She swallows as many as she can before they are taken away.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

His coworkers gasped at him as he walked through the doors in all plaid and a puffy vest.

He had held his head up high and ignored the fashion team as he walked to his tiny office.

So what if he had started wearing his brother's clothes?

Kurt had always put his emotions into his clothes.

And right now, all he was feeling was Finn.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

Puck couldn't wait. He had meticulously organized his collection of XBOX games and stored his pantry with junk food of all kinds.

His best friend was coming back today.

Finn had promised that he'd only spend five hour macking with Berry and spending time with his family before he came here.

Thirty more minutes!

He hadn't seen Finn for more than a year and he was excited.

In a girly jump up and squeal excited.

Of course, he could go over to their house and meet up with him but then they'd have to stay there and eat dinner and talk instead of playing video games...

They needed some bro time.

7:00! He was going to be here anytime now!

He started up the XBOX and put in Call of Duty.

He set out the junk food neatly and felt a lot like a housewife or something.

He sighed and checked the clock.

7:30! He was all for helping a bro get laid, but seriously he needed Finn to be here. Now.

He played a game by himself and then checked the clock.

It was fucking 9:00.

He grabbed his keys and speeded away to Rachel's apartment.

He was mad.

He opened the door with the key that he had been given and yelled into the quiet house.

"Come on Finn! You've been banging for like seven straight hours! Where's that bro time you promised?"

Rachel came out then, wearing one of Finn's shirts.

He rolled his eyes, his best friend was probably naked in there.

What surprised him though, were the tears in her eyes.

"Gee Berry, I gave you seven hours. Don't start crying because I took away your Finny."

She started sobbing then and he went to comfort her.

He put his arm awkwardly on her shoulder and hoped that Finn would come out soon.

Because this was weird.

"Fi-Finn!" She sobbed.

God had Finn already messed up with her?

"Need me to go kick some ass?" He asked.

Ha, as if he could ever take out _army _Finn.

Who had basically quadrupled in size.

She shook her head and sighed.

It had been a week. She should not be crying every second of the day and she should not have a bed made of his clothes that she buried herself in every night.

But she did.

She cleared her throat.

"F-Finn has recently been claimed missing in action. H-he is most likely d-d-d," she couldn't say it.

Puck's face was shocked as he took in the meaning of her words.

"B-but Finn." His voice cracked on his name.

His best friend, his wingman.

Finn.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

Santana Lopez did not cry.

Okay, well there was that one time with Brittany, but other than that, Santana Lopez did not cry.

Which is why she surprised everyone when she actually did.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

First loves are forever.

Or at least that's what she told Finn when they had gotten back together.

She realized now, that she had been right.

Her heart wouldn't break this much for someone that she didn't love.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

He had stolen his girlfriend and then accused him of cheating with her.

Finn Hudson was still the greatest man he had ever known.

It didn't surprise anyone when Sam broke down into tears.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

"He isn't really dead." Brittany explained when the news had reached her.k

They gave her one of those, _Oh Brittany_, looks and she shook her head again and then said the most un-Brittany statement ever.

"I know that I'm wrong all the time, but this time, I'm not."

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

She had sworn off her all black goth girl look a long time ago, but right now, it felt wrong to wear anything else.

They were just the losers of the school before he had joined. She was just an Asian girl with a stuttering problem and no friends.

But that was before him.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

"Guys, don't do this." He had said, stopping his friends from knocking down the Port-A-Potty.

Finn Hudson had basically saved his life.

He had always pushed him around in the wheelchair, doing what others never did.

If that didn't summarize Finn Hudson, he didn't know what did.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

Finn Hudson was probably the worse dancer in the world.

But it had been fun _trying_ to teach him how to dance.

Emphasis on trying.

They were on the football team together.

Those pep talks? Those pep talks were what got him through his high school career.

Those pep talk were what got him through his life.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

She had been appalled when he had joined.

Because hell, she was Beyoncé, she ain't no backup singer.

Singing to the sonogram of his baby?

That, she thinks, was when she fell for Finn Hudson.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

When he had told him that the only reason he had been so cruel was because he was jealous he almost died of laughter.

Finn Hudson was jealous? Of him?

Please, Finn Hudson was perfect. Completely and utterly perfect.

Not in the normal way, he wasn't good with school, or with dancing, but regardless of anything anyone said, Finn Hudson was perfect.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

He hadn't expected to break down in front of the whole class.

They hadn't cared though, they were all in their own little sad bubbles.

Finn Hudson had changed this school, he realized as he sobbed on the piano.

Finn Hudson, had changed the world.

**_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn-_****_Finn_**

He was so, so confused.

All he knew was that his name was Cory Monteith and that he was being sent home.

Wherever that was.

**A/N: Okay, I don't really know why, but I'm so much more affected by Cory's death after the tribute episode, than I was when it actually happened. It might have something to do with the fact that I've just come into realization that it's true, that he's gone. **

**But here's a little story that I've had in my head. Don't worry, updates will come soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I know that a lot of you are confused, but I hope you understand better with this chapter! Thanks for all the reviews and favorites and follows! Made my day! This chapter is just a flashback. **

"It was fantastic, I don't think it was possible for that show to go better." It's about the millionth time he's said it tonight, but the proud look that she gives him is worth it.

She looks up at him with her big brown eyes and laughs.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop now!"

They walk into the after party and he takes a huge breath as he sees hundreds of people at the party.

Maybe he shouldn't do this, her rejection would only be a million times worse in front if the crowd.

But she did want it to be as public as possible.

"Oh Finn! I want you to meet Alyssa! She's the one who plays the blonde haired girl, you knew the one!"

He meets and chats with almost all of them until they reach a guy wearing a suit that must be worth thousands.

He looks down at his own suit, his father's, and feels anxious for some unknown reason.

He doesn't like this guy.

And apparently, Rachel doesn't either as she gives him a death glare that Finn knows all too well.

"Brody." She says through gritted teeth.

She tries to pull Finn along but Brody stops them.

"Rachel!" He calls out. "Oh come on, don't leave already, it's been _so_ long."

He puts his hand under his chin and thinks.

"Oh wait no, we saw each other just yesterday."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Brody. This is my boyfriend, Finn."

Brody seems to notice him for the first time and it secretly pleases Finn that he has to tilt his head up to look him in the eyes.

"Oh, my you're very big aren't you?"

Someone bumps into Brody from behind and he is sent crashing into Finn's chest.

He gives off an 'oomph' and brushes himself off.

"And very toned. I can see why Rachel is so infatuated with you."

Rachel gives Brody a curt smile and manages to successfully pull Finn away.

"Who was that?" He asks.

She smiles at him, but it's one her her 'just go with it smiles.'

"Just an old rival."

He just goes with it.

They continue on, chatting and talking.

He waits until the perfect moment before he does it.

He kneels to the ground and it kind of staggers him when she gasps and puts her hands to her mouth.

He pulls out the box, it probably cost him more than it should have, but he doesn't really care.

"Rachel," he starts.

"You are my everything. The first time I saw you in glee club, I um, well I was kinda freaked out by you, but then when I heard you sing, I knew that you were it. We've had our ups and downs, but no matter what, you'll always be my star."

He gulps and the awing from the partygoers makes his ears turn red.

"Rachel Berry, I promise to love you forever. Will you marry me?"

A second passes and he stands up and shoves his hands, along with the ring in his pocket.

"I mean, like not right now, of course. But no pressure, just um let me know when you're ready okay?"

He reaches for a chip, crunching it loudly, anything to take away this awkward silence away.

This awkward, awkward silence.

"If you're ready that is, you don't have to at all actually. We could just be one of those couples that date and have kids without actually getting married."

His eyes widen, and he drops the second chip he had been eating.

"Well if you want kids, I get it if you don't. It must sound really painful to like push a human being from you vagina."

He chokes on his chip and is it possible to turn redder?

He gulps. God, why is it so fucking silent?

"I get it if you just want to break up with me. I'm like freakishly tall and I kind of always leave the milk o-"

He staggers back as her lips come crashing down onto his.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" She screams, but he can't really care about how his eardrums are bursting right now.

Even in her five inch heels she had to reach up to her tippy toes to kiss him.

He cups her face in his hands and kisses her passionately, he can't even hear the cheering and celebrating around him.

"I love you so much." He gasps between their kisses.

They share one last, long kiss and then they break away, matching grins on their face.

He slides the dazzling diamond onto her finger and she gasps.

"Oh Finn. You really didn't have to."

She looks up at him. "I would've been fine with a plastic one."

She reaches up and kisses him again.

The rest of the night is a blurry mess and she couldn't be more happy.

Or drunk.

They're walking back and she has her heels in her hands because they "made her feet get booboos."

She steps on a twig and cries until he carefully picks it out with the tweezers in her purse.

Then, he picks her up bridal style and they continue their walk home.

"Hey Rach?" He asks.

"Mmmm?" She hums, she's almost asleep.

"Who was that Brody guy?"

She sits upright then gasps.

"Brody! Oh Brody, oh don't tell Finn!"

She covers his mouth with her hand.

"Shhhh don't tell Finn about Brody! He'll be mad."

Then she's sleeping like the dead.

He sighs and kicks the door to their apartment open, peeling off both his and her clothes and laying down with her in bed.

She wakes up and scoots until she's almost on top of him.

"Goodnight Finny, love you."

He smiles against her skin.

"Love you too Rach."

The conversation slips from his mind until a few weeks later when she mentions his name for the cast of a new play she's auditioning for

"Brody?" She looks up at him.

"Yeah, he plays Austin, what about him?"

"It's just that, you mentioned him after the after party of Les Mis."

She looks kind of alarmed.

"What did I say about him?"

"Well I asked you who he was and you said not to tell Finn."

She relaxes and rolls her eyes.

"Oh, I was probably just worried that you would get worried about our rivalry. Broadway fights dirty."

He looks at her with kind of a pained look, because for the past few weeks they've been in a honeymoon phase, and this will definitely break it.

Plus, he's leaving in a week, does he really want to leave in what could be a screaming match?

He sighs.

"Rachel. Tell me the truth."

She glares at him, "Finn. I am telling the truth."

He stands up. "You and I both know that you've been hiding something from me. Just tell me."

"Finn! I am appalled that you would accuse me of that! Do you really have no trust in me? Do you really think of me as some type of whore?!"

The waterworks come on and he rolls his eyes.

These are fake. He can totally tell.

"Oh come on Rachel, I can totally tell that those are fake."

They stop immediately and she turns red.

"_Nothing_ went on between Brody and I Finn."

He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair.

"Okay."

He lets it go.

"Okay?" She asks in disbelief.

He nods. "I'm leaving in a week and...I trust you. He probably won against you in a singing competition or something you're just too embarrassed to admit it."

She looks sad for a minute and he smiles as he realizes that what he had described was _exactly_ what had happened.

She opens her mouth and then closes it.

He walks over to her and hugs her, so so tight and she never ever wants him to let go.

"I'm going to miss you so much." She mumbles against his chest.

He squeezes her tighter and drops a kiss on her head.

"I'm going to miss you more."

She looks up at him. "Promise to never ever leave me?"

He smiles. "I promise."

It's so dark outside, but she can't sleep, she just can't.

She looks at the time.

"Finn, Finn, wake up."

He groans and turns over.

"Five more minutes." he mumbles.

She smiles and then shakes him harder.

He doesn't wake up.

She looks at the glass of water next to her and pours it on him.

He falls off of the bed shouting.

She enjoys his naked body for a second before taking his hand and pulling him up.

He gets in bed and looks at the clock.

"It's 3:30 in the fucking morning Rachel! What could you possibly need?"

"I need to tell you something."

"What?" He yawns.

"I need to tell you something." She repeats.

He mumbles an incoherent sound and she pours the remaining water on him.

"Okay! Okay! I'm up!"

She sighs. "You know earlier today, how you asked me about Brody?"

He nods. "Yeah what about it?"

"I need to tell you what song we sang."

He laughs. "Rachel, it's fine. I believe you. You don't need to give me all the details."

"It was Faithfully."

His happy mood fades a little, because that was kind of _their_ song but he goes back quickly.

"It's okay Rachel. Now can I go back to sleep please? I need to wake up in three hours."

She climbs onto his lap and wraps her arms around his neck before kissing him as hard as she can.

"Or we could have sex again." He mutters in between their lips.

"I can deal with sex."

She sighs and pulls away, resting her forehead against his.

"Awe come on Rach, you woke me up at 3:30 AM! You can at least get me laid!"

"I kissed Brody."

His breath catches.

"What?" He gasps.

"I mean after we sang we kissed and I stopped it immediately, immediately, I _swear_ and then I went back to Kurt and Bl-"

"Wait, Kurt knew about this?"

"They were both really really silent. I could tell that Kurt was already composing his letter to you. And then Brody, came to our table and apologized. He said that it was his fault and it really didn't mean anything, the song was just so passionate, so of course I forgave him, I mean I cry during every solo I sing, songs give emotion you know?"

"Rachel, slow down."

She took a deep breath and gasps as she felt a tear land on her thigh. She didn't know that she was crying.

"Kurt and Blaine refused to dance with me, and it was my favorite song on and Finn, I just had to dance. So I went out _alone_ and then Brody came and offered to dance with me. It was completely appropriate, Finn, it was the most unsexual song ever so of course I had to say yes."

A whimper accidentally leaves his mouth as he takes in her meaning.

It wasn't just a kiss.

"Finn Finn Finn, you have to understand you have to!" She pulls his face back to hers and kisses him.

"I was so lonely Finn, it had been a year, a whole year since I had even felt someone else's touch! A whole year! I was desperate!"

"Just go on." he says in a choked voice.

"More songs. And then the night rush came in, and the songs got dirtier."

He closes his eyes.

"I was drunk, so so so so SO drunk! I can't even remember half of it..."

"Go on."

"Then Kurt came to me and told me, right in front of Brody, that he couldn't stand watching me grind against strangers so he was leaving. And then he told me to be mindful, that I had a boyfriend that I was practically already married to, in the military that would not appreciate me sexually dancing with strangers. Brody then just gave me one of those, 'it's okay' looks and then I kissed him. We ended up going home together. And we slept together."

He looks down at their bed.

"Here?"

She nods.

He feels sick, he has to get off of this bed, he has to.

He pushes her off gently and stands up, pulling on his boxers.

"No Finn!" She shrieks, "Stop! Get back here!"

She bounces off the bed and pulls on the first thing she finds.

He shakes his head. "You cheated on me Rachel."

Realization creeps into his head as he says the words.

"You cheated on me."

"I was desperate Finn! It had been a whole year! I regretted it as soon as it happened! Finn! Stop!"

He turns to her. "Well Rachel it had been a year for me too! I turned down every offer, no matter how tempting! Hell, none of them were tempting! Because I knew that I had a beautiful girlfriend back home that was waiting for me!"

He pulls on a new shirt and is about to storm out the door when she stops him.

"Pause!" She yells.

He freezes

"Pause pause pause pause, fucking pause!"

Slowly, slowly, he turns around.

"I don't think that option is available."

She walks up to him.

"Please? Pause please?"

He sighs looking into her deep dark eyes.

He's a goner.

He brings her face up to his in a searing kiss and it's so explosive that she feels like she's about to melt.

They pull away panting after a few minutes.

"Pause." He whispers.

They slowly go back into bed and he rewinds, to before tonight, and all is happy again.

For now.

She doesn't question him when first thing the next day he goes and buys them the most expensive bed there is, even though they really don't have the money for it.

She doesn't question him when he buys them brand new sheets and a new bed frame.

They're cuddling in their new bed, and it's oh do comfy, and finally she can go to sleep without any trouble, but then he wakes her up.

"Rach, I think we should buy a house."

She lifts her head sleepily and gives a little laugh.

"Finn we just blew our life savings on this bed. Plus, it's lonely enough in this apartment by myself, I can't imagine how it would be in a house."

He nuzzles her nose with his and smiles.

"You wouldn't be lonely."

She laughs. "And why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you'd have me. And our kids."

Her breath catches. "You're quitting the army?"

He shrugs. "I mean after this year of course. I think two years is enough, don't you think so? And I think I've found a new job interest."

She looks up at him eagerly, "What is it?"

"A firefighter. You know, I'd still be saving lives, but I wouldn't be so far away."

"Why do you always choose jobs that risk your life?"

He laughs. "But we should do it. As soon as I'm done this year. You can plan the wedding while I'm away, look at some houses with Kurt, and when I come back, we'll get married and move into our house and have three kids."

The future he's painting sounds like a fairytale and she loves it all.

"What about Broadway?"

"Well you've had your experience, you've got your Tony. Do you really want to continue on? Besides, weren't you talking about doing an album or something? You could work on that."

She smiles up at him.

"Let's do it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They grin at each other, and it's all forgotten until his face falls.

"Rachel. Let's never unpause."

"A-are you sure? I mean it was pretty big what I did Finn."

"I'm sure."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And with that she falls asleep, dreams of brown eyed, teased hair boys and little girls with bangs.

"I'll write to you every week, and I don't want any of those two sentence letter nonsense okay? I want a full page, at least. You better write back every single time, YOU BETTER."

Finn grins. "Bye Kurt."

He looks at the whole Glee entourage that have come to send him off.

He has a short, heartfelt goodbye with each and every one of them until he reaches Rachel.

"Don't forget the call schedule, I timed them perfectly so it would coincide with both of our time schedules." She says, as principled as ever.

They meet for an explosive kiss and he can't make himself let go. Finally, FINALLY, Kurt nudges them apart, wiping away tears from his eyes.

"I love you."

She sighs, "I love you more."

He laughs. "If you say so."

And then he's gone.

**A/N: Okay, so I was kind of confused on how to continue, so this chapter MAY BE DELETED if I change my mind. This is just a flashback, so it might be confusing. And I stole the pause thing from How I Met Your Mother haha. **


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